My memory keeps fading like a tissue paper with a single drop of water that falls on it and spreads, keeps spreading. A blot of damp, darkened tissue paper. I forget names of people, birthdays, when Ramadan ends, where is Ahmedabad, which professor taught us which optional course, what movie I have seen last, what did I do in school, what was my breakfast day before yesterday… They blend into each other and become inseparable, like watercolour, bleeding into one another space, confusing boundaries, unrestrained. If anyone asks me whether I have heard this song, I nod yes, yes I can recall it, and then I open google on the sly, putting in the strange name that feels only ever so slightly familiar as it rolls off my tongue. Have I really heard this song before? I take the sandwich from the shopkeeper and smile thanks, nice man, always jovial, greets me every morning, on work days this is where I get my breakfast, we do small talk sometimes, his mother loves old jazz and so we would listen to Coltrane when the morning crowds have just dwindled or died out and he would tap his fingers to the beat. She liked his easy going personality, what was his name again? “You could have just remembered to wish me at night at least, you know, I waited for you the whole day.” Guilt, shame, but most of all regret washed over me. If only I hadn’t removed the alarm reminder set up to call her, this could have been avoided. I was so confident I would make it. That night, the next, the next ones even years from then. I always thought I would make it, and didn’t. In the end, the water drop on the tissue paper is botched out, a finger probes the damp spot and it tears, bits of threads of tissue fibre float in the air. It’s less of a tissue now and more just white crumbs drifting in the thin air like cotton dust blown away.
I totally relate to this, and that’s bad because I have a child to take care of!
❤
David
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I’m so sorry, I understand the struggle. For what it’s worth, I want to reaffirm that the efforts do count and children become more accepting of our shortcomings as they grow up. :’)
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It’s actually hard to ‘Like’ something sad but it’s recognition of something important being said.
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Yes, thanks for reading and leaving this thoughtful comment. I appreciate it!
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The use of tissue paper metaphor was amazing. Good work …
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Thank you so much!! 🙈💜💜
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I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Please check my post and respond to the instructions there. 🙂 https://laurenmhancock.com/2021/07/16/sunshine-blogger-award-16-07-21/
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Aww thank you so much dear!! I’ll check it out, also, congratulations! 💜😊
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Congratulations also!! ❤
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Thank you very much! 💕
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I hope this is simply exquisite writing and not truth. This is so well said, I can’t tell.
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Aww thank you, that’s really kind of you. Unfortunately this is true. 🥺💜
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Heart touching ! 💕
It’s your best work by so far.
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Aw thanks Simantini! Glad you liked it so much 🥺💜
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[…] lapses in memory – From Shrubaboti […]
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Thanks for the shoutout Leon! 💜☺
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i experience this. a lot. forgetfulness is a symptom or consequence of anxiety. i forget everything. sometimes it hurt ppl, sometimes it caused me trouble. i have told everyone that i won’t be wishing them birthdays. took it out of my way. for other things, im still figuring it out. as long as i remember me, my face, my eyes and how i feel things… it is all fine, right?
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I know, I understand. We do the best we can, that’s all that matters.
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Btw thanks for sharing your thoughts! 💜💜
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